Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
