next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
