Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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