words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
