I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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