i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
