Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
