Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
