I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
