walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
