Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
