trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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