please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
