dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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