So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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