i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
