I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I look better un-naked...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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