She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
