how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
