she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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