I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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