dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
