Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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