I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
