i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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