Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
