he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
