Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
