At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
