So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
