Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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