Please, let me fuck your mom
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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