I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
