I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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