Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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