I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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