i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
