They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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