last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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