Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
