She said her name was "party"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
