I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
