I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
