what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
