Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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