ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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