Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
