My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
