I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
