Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
