what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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