The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
