The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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