i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
