And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
