I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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