Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
