and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
