The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
