Pants 0. Shit 1.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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