I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
