it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
