cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
