Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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