So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
how does that bad decision feel?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
