Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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