stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
