i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
