Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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