youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
