It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
