Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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